ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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I'm here to stay!
Gus. - 2003-07-19 00:55:44Gus: Hey Richard, it saddends me that you are talking so much shit about me, and shit that is not even true, I Love you and do care for you, now you got all this peoples talking bad about me just because you want to have more hits on yur diary, I also dont like the fact that you are disrespecting me, and that is not cool at all, dont wonder why i am wrintting this to you here, but it seems that you pay more attention to your dairy than me. LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER. GUS.
Well, I don't know if Gus really did write that, but if you did, here's my response.
Gus, you are not an asshole. I portray you this way because I feel alone. I feel abandoned. I feel like I am only with you because you don't want to let me go, that you feel that you are stuck with me. I don't know how you feel since you really never did express yourself. I'm just tired of being alone.
Brock is a friend who is there for me. He's there like Michelle is there for me. They have both been there for me these past few weeks more than you have been there for me these past few months.
I love you so much that it fucking hurts to think about you. It hurts me so much to even look at your picture. I miss you so much and you don't even know how much. I wish you were here with me again and that I was the guy you wanted.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have failed as your boyfriend, but I have at least grown a bit. Maybe everyone is right and that maybe I should just kill myself, but then who's the one who'll be the asshole. It will be me. I will be the dumb fuck who let everyone else win. I'll just give into your shit and then I'll be exactly where everyone wants me to be.
It's fucked up that you don't tell me who Gabe is, even though I know who he is and I've met him before, but I don't remember him.
Gabe, say what you want, do what you want, but know this. You are not going to spoil my fun. Not with Brock, Michelle or anyone else in my life. I wanted to fucking give up this fucking diary, but then I thought, why? Why will I let some kiddies and a bitter fag ruin my diary. My place of release! My mind is killing me, my heart is bringing me down and all I have is this diary.
Yes, I do pay more attention to my diary than Gus, but it's only cause I can express myself in here without going crazy. Without trying to hurt someone. I need to vent, and I will keep on doing it here!
I love you Gus, but I need to talk to you to find out what is going on with us. I need to see where we are going! I'm just tired of...I'm just tired!
To all of you who are talking shit...You know what? I'm here to stay and you will no longer put me down.
FUCK ALL YOU HATERS!
Thank you!
10:24 p.m. - Friday, Jul. 18, 2003
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