ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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I Want To Live!
I have drama online and off.
If any of you remember Paul, the guy that thinks I'm cute, he came over last night and we had sex for the first time. He came over at 6pm and we started making out and taking off our clothes and getting freaky. Oh, this was all broadcast on Yahoo! cams. My LiveJournal friends watched the show and commented on it! Whoo!
I digress. (lol)
While we were in bed, the phone rings. Then my cell rings. Then the house phone again, but this time I pick it up. It's Michelle letting me know she's coming home. I frantically tell her to go somewhere else. I tell her to go to her aunt's house, but she can't. It is raining and she's been locked outside the house for an hour. I thought she would have been home at least till 7:30-8pm. I guess she got off work early and she came home. I tell Paul to get dressed and when I let her in the door, she just tells me, "Don't talk to me." That's all. That was last night, tonight, she's only spoken to me on the phone cause she answered it. She hasn't said anything when I asked her if she's ok.
Now, the drama online is my own fault. I think. Wait, if it is only online.
I was talking to Patrick, (LJ person who I'm visiting in a week. He's in Seattle!) and he got upset with me and had to go. Then there's Danny, (another LJ'er and he's being an ass about stuff, that's why he's "upset" with me.) Apperantly I'm "breathing down his neck" and he is thinking if he should talk to me anymore. I told him that maybe he shouldn't.
I'm really tired of all this shit. Patrick is a different story. I like him, and I feel a lot for him. Strange though, he says that I frustrate him and for the first time, when he hung up, I wanted to cry. Only cause I really felt hurt. I felt like he was tired of me and that he didn't want anything to do with me.
I'm really fucking sad right now. I want to go to bed, but I feel uncomfortable with Michelle in the room. She's seen me cry, get hurt and every other emotion that a human has, but I feel like I can't let her see me breakdown. I guess cause she's mad at me that I can't even cry. I really only have the bathroom as a santuary. Jewel said that once.
I guess what I really want to do is just way goodbye and fuck everyone! I can try, but I know that it won't work.
What the hell am I going to do?
11:37 p.m. - Sunday, Feb. 22, 2004
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