ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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Sam and Jason
Wow, I just read George's Diary...Rolands "friend"...LOL. It's awesome to see yourself through other peoples eyes. George opened my eyes abit and I realized that its obvious that I like Sam, but I have to get over him. I sound like a broken record; Get over him, Get over him, Get over him, Get over him, Get over him...! I'm trying to, I'm not IM-ing him when I see him online, I don't call him, and I try not to see him. I'm going to be honest, I hate doing that. When I like someone and they tell me they like me, I try to get close, but usually only to get hurt. While I'm not hurt, well, not really, I am just bugged about the fact that I like him soo much. Maybe cause he made me feel good about myself and recently, I've only gone through so much shit with guys, that he does it for me. Sam makes me happy and alive, but I shouldn't need him to do that for me. I should be able to do that on my own. Fuck, why does Sam have to be so good and fucking hot. Jason on the other hand, I like him, but not that way. I want him as a good friend, a confidant. Someone I can have fun with, and at the same time, look for boys! :0) Sometimes, I miss my old life. The one when I used to go at around 10pm on the bus to the bus station, go to the wash that runs behind the station, and look for guys who just wanted a fuck/suck. I did that for around 3 years. I would go and just fuck and get fucked, to try to forget my problems. Do you know how lucky I am that I never got an STD, or my ass kicked! Fuck! Oh well...I need to go to bed! I need to go to Roland Shop tomorrow, and then around 4, go see my cuz dance. Ayah! Too many things, too little time!
Hugs!
Richard
3:04 a.m. - May 18, 2002
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