ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me!
I hate days like today! Days when I feel like I have done everything in life wrong.
Am I not cute enough to be someones friend? Does anyone like me? Fuck, all I want to do is sit and cry all day. I feel like no one wants me, or even wants to hear from me. I want to blame someone and only one person comes to mind...I think you all know who I am talking about. But it is not his fault! I am just letting everything get to me. I need someone to blame because nothing is my fault...Oh no, nothing!
(I wish I could put my pic right here to show you the sarcasm!)
He hasn't called or written, and I feel like I've done something so horrible that he doesn't want to talk to me. It fucking hurts so much. I let it get to me and that's so not right. I am making him look bad, and he hasn't done anything wrong to me. Thank god you can't see my tears!
This does help me feel better though, I feel like I can talk about anything in here. That is something that I need, cause right now, I can't afford to go see my shrink.
Fuck!
I've stopped crying and I feel better.
I'm talking to a friend Bill online. He's so cute and nice! He's in Florida, but we talk alot! Then there's Scott! I started talking to him since like the first week I was online. That was in June of last year. He is awesome, and his daughter is so cute...looks nothing like her mom. I feel bad that him and John aren't working out, but they could if John tries harder. Love you kiddo!
Scott is the only other person I trust online that I haven't met. We have gone through alot together and I love him like a dear friend, because he is!
It's taken me half an hour to write this, but I don't care how long it takes, but I need to get over all this shit. I need to feel like I usually do. I've been taking the Prozac for more than a month, I've lost some weight, so I know it's working. Just that some day get bad. I don't want to die, I just feel like I want to. I just need fucking therapy for the rest of my life! LOL
Ok, Madonna is making me feel better so I'm going to keep talking to Bill and maybe April will come online and then I'll have more fun!
Hugs and love y'all!
3:42 p.m. - May 24, 2002
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