ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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Red and My Sister
Today is Sunday...
Saturday was great. I spent the day with Red, we went to Bolsa Chica...aka Huntington Beach and we went swimming. I think, you know, we got wet! Ok, well, We were there for a couple of hours and after getting wet, we tried to relax on our towels, while on my towel, he laid down next to me and I held his hand the whole time till we had to leave. Ooh, we went to get some chinese food at Pick up Stix and in my fortune cookie, it said that either I or one of my close friends would get married this year. I showed it to Red and he was like...Ummkay! Everyone in the group started laughing. We thought it was cute! We later went to his friends house to watch some movies and we saw Memento, Shallow Hal and Kiss Me Guido. Those movies were great to watch with Red, even though after having a beer and a long day, he couldn't understand Memento. Ha ha ha!
My Poor baby! We later came back to my house and I told him to spend the night instead of trying to drive home at 4 a.m. So he told me again that he loved me...yes I know it's soon, but I think he really does....we just say it in bed, even when we aren't fucking! Ha!
I'm happy with Red, he makes me happy and then today, I got some great news!
I saw my sister!
My sister, that I haven't seen in 13 years! She was living in Houston, TX and now she's in Tacoma, WA. That is so cool. She was looking for me for over a month. My sis has been here for a month and she might be going back to WA in like two to three weeks. Damn! But the cool thing is, My sis wants me to go with her back home! I'm like, ok, but I have to see what's going on with my appointment for my Cosmetology License.
That's right, I do hair! I've been waiting for it for 4 months. Fuck! Ugh!
Anyway, I wanna go to Washington with my sister, but when she told me about going with her, I thought of Red. I do care about him a lot and I think I do love him, but I don't want to leave him now. I finally found happiness/a man...Ha ha ha, and I don't want to leave him. Hmm, I have to think about what's going on.
Michelle says I should think about what I want. Happiness or my family. The thing is that I haven't really gotten to know my sis cause she's lived in Houston all my life, and I found out that my dad is dying. She's my half-sis, but she's more like a full sis...You know what I mean! I do think about her and stuff, and I wanna get to know her better, but I know she don't know about me being gay! Ugh!
My dad on the other hand, I don't think he knows, cause we haven't told anyone back home. Back home is El Salvador, well, that's my family's home, not mine. Anyway, my dad has diabetes and he's now on daily dialysis. He told the doctors that if he has to go through dialysis everyday, he might as well just die. So I think I might lose my dad real soon.
FUCK!
My mom still loves him, and I understand, it's her baby's daddy! Ha ha ha!! WHO THAT IS? IT'S JUST MY BABY'S DADDY! But I don't really know him, can you blame me...he left when I was 3. I've only seen him like two other times. SHIT! I mean, if he dies I know it's sad, and I'd go to the funeral, but I don't think I would be sad, well not really sad. You know what I mean. My sister says she forgave him years ago. He's not to blame for anything, cause it takes two to make a baby!
I'm a love child. I was concieved cause of love, and a woman's yearning for a child. My mother left her first husband cause he was sterile...He shoots blanks! Well, she was married at 19, divorced at 37, had me at 38, but she has no regrets. She traveled around the world...saw different people, lands, cultures and stuff. That's what she wants me to do, to see the world and enjoy my life! That's what I want to do and I know that I will do just that!
Oh, I have 12 nieces and nephews...13, yes, 13 siblings. I'm the fourth youngest, and my sister is 39. She looks good for 39. My little niece is so cute! I held her and carried her and she looked into my eyes and I was like...Aww...she does look like my sis and my sis kept telling me that I look just like my dad! Damn!
I'm sitting here looking at my pics on my bulletin board thingy that I have on my wall, that's where I keep my pics. Anyway, I'm looking at the pics of Hawaii, the pics in Las Vegas, and the pics of school. I keep thinking that I've had fun so far in life, but I, myself, bring me down. I've been blonde...Ha, a red-head. I've worn contacts, glasses, braces and shit, and I still never feel good looking. Shallow Hal is a great movie cause it makes you realize that it doesn't matter what we look like. If we aren't looking at one's own self, before looking out there for someone to love/like/live with, what's the use of having them.
What I mean is, you need to look inside and figure out what you want in life. At least one goal before you can look for a relationship. Yes, it's true, I don't have a job and shit, but at least I'm looking, and I'm trying. I've told Red that when I start working, I'll be taking him many places. I love to spend money on my man! He's my man, and I'm happy I found him now. At least I'm at a point that I know what I want to do with my life. I might not be at the best position to do what I want, but at least I know what it takes!
I'm very happy right now, and I want to stay happy. At least right now, I know that I will have to work my ass off for the things I want in life! Fucking Eh!
Hugs to you all,
Richard
4:44 p.m. - Sunday, Jul. 21, 2002
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