ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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Cutie's back, while I'm pushing Gus away!
I just talked to Gus for an hour. We talked about us, about how he's ignoring me, and about how we haven't been getting along. He tells me that I'm pushing him too much to spend time with him.
I've been talking to Cutie, and he thinks that everything that Gus says is a cover up. Cutie's pissed at me for believing Gus' crap.
I love my man, and I have to believe him. Yes, I have some doubt, but after talking to him...I don't.
Gus and I don't talk on the phone. He says it's cause I'm calling too much, and not saying anything. He does the same thing to his friend, "L", and he just ignores her as well. She calls him telling him that they're going out, so Gus just doesn't return her calls. Shit! That's what he's been doing to me. I guess the problem is that I'm just smothering him.
I see it now. It's true!
I'm selfish.
I am only wanting to do things that I want, not things that we want. Oh, and just like I said in my tag-board;
I love my baby and no matter what anyone else says, he's true to me. I feel it and no Gabe, no other man can change my mind.
Gus is mine and I love him with all my heart. I feel his love. AGAIN, he might not say it, "I'm not emotional", he says, but when he does say it, he means it. Also, NO, he does not get all lovey-dovey when he thinks he's messed up. He gets all gay with me out-of-the-blue!
Ooh, I hate the fact that he said I'm too queeny now. When I talk to him tomorrow, I'm going to tell him, "I'm queeny! SO?". I'm who I am, at work or at home. Yes, I have let myself go at work, for a few reasons: 1) the year is over and some people aren't coming back, 2) I don't care what anyone says. The only bitch about the latter is, people are talking shit to Gus about me. So, I'm leaving Cal Poly, and looking for other work. I need to find something closer, better, and fun.
Ugh, time to rest for me. Time to knit, something that bugs the shit out of Gus for reasons unknown to me! Fucking eh!
10:58 p.m. - Friday, Jun. 13, 2003
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