ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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Prozac
Hi,
Well today was interesting. I tried to lock my diary so that only people with a password could see it, but it didn't work. I couldn't figure it out, and I had to fix it so everyone could see it. LIke a friend of mine said...It's online, it's a public diary! He is so right, so here it is. I'm sorry if I have hurt/offended/bothered/annoyed anyone in this diary. I wish I could take everything back, but I guess I can't. I am doing this dairy cause it helps me get better with this stupid depression. Do you know how hard it is to get up everyday, knowing that there is nothing for me to do but go on with my life? I need to find a job to make money to pay the bills so I can get on with my sad ass life. My problem is that I take everything seriously...if someone makes a joke and I don't like it, It'll make me cry. I just want everything to be ok, and if it's not, then I'll have to take it as it comes. So I need to move on and get better. The Prozac is helping with my weight, and my mom and I are finally getting along after going for years and my almost moving to North Carolina and moving in with a man that I care for...not love anymore, because I feel that we just grew apart. He is 55 and I'm 21...I loved him, but now since we don't communicate as much as we both would like, I am feeling lost. He says he is tired of doing all the work to try and make things work out with the people in his life, I understand, but he has to understand that I am not ready to get up and go across country, to live with him, leave my mom, my friends and everything I know....I need time and patience...he has run out of both. Oh well, I would love for him to call me soon, I haven't heard from him in a while. He has two jobs and he is getting better health-wise. I just want him to give me more time. Ok, my sleeping pills and the Prozac are knocking me out right now, so I need to try to go to bed. But I am going to look for the lyrics to the cranberries songs on my CD that I made when I first got my PC.
Hugs babies and love to all who want my love. I am telling this to those who care and I'm letting you know that I am crying and the sleeping pills' side effects include DEPRESSION! Ugh...oh well!
Bye babies!
1:41 a.m. - May 17, 2002
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