ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
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No Ordinary Love
I'm happy!
Today in my mail, I recieved a letter from Richard. He has the most beautiful handwriting that you have ever seen. His "R's" are big and majestic. Mmm...I like him, I know that cause today I was put in the spot. Walter made me think about who I want. Do I want someone who's here, like the boys from Pistons, or do I want Richard, who lives far away? You know what I mean. Shit!
I mean, Richard is gone for a while, and even though I do like this other boy, I just can't see myself in a relationship with anyone other than Rich. Damn! I kept thinking it over and over. Richard is across the country, and while he is coming back, who knows when that will be. Then, I have these boys here, and which everyday the list is growing...Fuck! I can't believe that I wished I was wanted and now, I have to many boys for me!
Walter warned me about that. But I know that I need to talk to this boy and tell him that I am promised to someone else and that he's the one I want. I'm sorry, but I do like him and I will have to talk to him, fuck! I hate having a conscience.
A few years ago, I could fuck and suck anyone while having a bf, and not feel bad. But now...NO! I gotta feel like shit when I even look at another boy, even if I do want to fuck him, but I won't...that's not me anymore!
12:14 a.m. - June 11, 2002
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