ddrboy's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This Used To Be My Playground Pt. 1
I�m falling for Red.
I hate the fact that I like him and that we really can�t be together, I don�t know. I told him I like him, but that was when we were drunk. Not sober. Fuck. I don�t know what to do. I might go out with him tomorrow, and I want to tell him that I really fell for him. He�s just so sweet, fucking cute, and he is so caring. I want him bad. Oh well, maybe if I can�t have him that way, I can at least have him as a friend/fuck buddy. Ha ha ha. Ugh! I went over to his house on Wed. and then I got wasted�LOL! He told his g-friend that we were fooling around and she told him that we would start to have feelings for each other, but I think that I will get over him in a few days, after not being with him for a few days, after being WITH him for a few days has its drawbacks.
Well, now, we went to Downtown Disney for the 4th of July. We were there, bumping into each other, but I did most of the bumping. In the car, on the way there, he touched my hands. At certain times in the day, when we were next to each other, and no one could see, he would squeeze my ass. That was cute, funny too! I would rest my head on his shoulders, hug him, and when I got tired, I would lay my head on his lap.
He told me that we were acting like a couple. I wanted to fuck him right there. Ha ha ha! That was cute, right? When his friends showed up on Wed. to his house, he whispered in my ear, �You look cute�, AWW!
Strange how sometimes you find love in the weird places�I�m using the word �LOVE� for like/lust/any other word that comes to mind. I mean, I like the boy, but will we work out? Have we talked about anything like this? We did discuss it a few days ago, and we just said that if we did develop feelings for one another, that we would �fuck� the feelings and move on. But after spending these past few days with him and we both realizing that from the start of our fooling around that we had feelings for each other, we both know that we have to discuss our feelings.
Damn feelings.
Anyway, this morning when he dropped me off, he told me he was going to miss me. Not knowing what to say, I told him I would call him. Ha ha ha! I guess what my problem is that I don�t want to show my emotions that much too soon. I think I mean, too much, too soon.
Oh well!
I returned his call tonight and he went out to Pistons and then he asked if I had any plans for tomorrow so we can go to his friends house and maybe chill. Cool! What to do, what to do!
Other news�
We did the laundry, but I still can�t find my black undies�damn! I downloaded Ice Age for my cousin to burn. Mamma Walter, kiester98, has the green apple splatters, and he did his laundry too. I talked to P.J. too; he�s someone from Pistons that works at Disney�s California Adventure. He�s cool, too bad guys don�t like him. I like him, but as a friend, you know. Hmm, what else�?
Oh yeah, the drama!
Joe, my ex, broke up with his boyfriend, well, his boyfriend dumped his sorry ass. You can read more here. He was dumped because he kept having dreams about Charles. Fuck, and while living with his boyfriend. Asshole. So now, Joe has nowhere to go and my mom, in need of cash, offered our living room to him. I don�t care as long as he don�t mooch, as I know he does!
Richard is now living in a shelter. Fuck! That truly sucks, because he can�t live with his mom. She bitches too much and he can�t stand it. I don�t know what to do, because Mamma Walter says I should say goodbye to Richard and go for Red! I want to do that only because Red is here, and Richard is not. Damn!
I�m happy for Sam.
Too bad he doesn�t try to talk to me. I found out today that he has been with Jimmy for three weeks. That�s great, I�m happy for them, really I am. I just wish Sam would have told me or at least say hello every once in a while. Sam also has a diary, but it's locked. Wow! Oh well, QUE SERA, SERA! Nevertheless, I wish you the best you guys. I promise from today on that I will not mention you two guys ever again, and if I do�I�ll tell Mamma Walter to make my ass bleed! Ha ha ha!
That is all. Just wish me luck that I don�t get hurt, and that we�ll still be cool. But I think it was the alcohol talking, but I do hope it was him talking!
Hugs
Rich
2:17 a.m. - Saturday, Jul. 06, 2002
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
