ddrboy's Diaryland Diary

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Cramping his style, while gettin cold!

Hmm...

Gus says I'm cold. When he goes out now, I tell him, "ok". Not like before, when I would have a fit, and started to cry.

I just want him to be happy, and if going out makes him happy, or lets him relax, then go for it. I love him and I want the best for him.

Yeah, it sucks that he goes out without me, but I know everyone does that. He says I cramp his style. Hmm, I know you're thinking, "Mmm, he's a cheatin!", but no, he's not like that. I know him well enough that he won't cheat.

I do trust him, but I get scared that he'll meet someone more like him.

His interests.

His desires.

His dreams.

But you know these are all fears that everyone has, especially in a gay relationship. I think. You know, the other day, with Michelle, I recieved an IM on Yahoo. The guy saw my profile and started chatting. He then tells me why. He's looking for ass.

Now, last year, at this time, I would have gone. Shit, I would have fucked anyone who wanted to. Duh, I was a whore. WAS Gus says that whores don't change, it might be true, but I try my best not to do stuff with other guys. To this day, I haven't. :)

Well, this guy tells me that all guys mess around and they fuck others. I told him I don't. He's like, "you will". Fuck!

Now, I know he talks to many guys, guys that he met before and while we's be a couple. The bitch was, that he just told one of them that he's seeing someone, even though they both asked him about me. He said, "Naw, he's just cool." Ugh.

Willie....Hmm...

Willie is Gus' ex. We met and went out with Gus, and we had a bit of fun. All I know is that Willie is cool and we have a lot together. Oh, Willie is a horndog and Gus knows that. So, everytime that Willie and I get together before going out, Gus is always watching. Ha ha. Anyway, the thing is that Willie and I get along great and he let's me talk about Gus. He let's me vent about stuff that I would love to tell Gus, but am afraid that Gus would get mad. Well, he's helped me alot and even now, that I have to take charge. I love Gus, but I need to think about everything that he's said.

Aah, about the coldness...

I feel like I'm holding him back if I tell him not to go out. Not to have fun. Not to see his friends. Even though those two friends wanted to be with him. That's the bitch. "D" met him when we were at Pistons, and they went out, but they never really clicked. I guess know nothing will ever happen. Then there's "M". He's in a band and we have his CD. He's pretty cool, and the only way that he and Gus haven't hooked up, is cause Gus told him that he's a hooker. That he gets paid for sex. When Gus goes out to Pistons, "M" is usually there to meet him. Well, Gus always gets hit on by alot of guys and he always says no, but he tells "M" that they were all potential customers but since he's there with "M", he said no. Ugh. "D" knows that Gus is seeing someone, but not "M". Fuck.

I guess I have to chill, right?

Hmm...

I'm tired and blue.

I miss Gus telling me that he loves me. Work is getting tough and I'm getting laid off on the 18th. Fuck.

Listen to me...at my blogger thingy and hear my voice! Ooh.

10:48 p.m. - Tuesday, Jun. 03, 2003

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